so last night my cat died. my cat, who I always joked I hated, who really had nine lives, who used to like nothing better than to curl up on the mat in the kitchen, who we got because 14 years ago I used to feed him on the back porch of my country house, died from tumors last night. they attacked his stomach & colon and I watched him convulse and listened to him cry all of yesterday afternoon until dad got a call from mom around midnight that he was gone.
and this comes around the same time as dan and I are on the verge of breaking up. we didn't, but it was a definite possibility.
and so I feel numb. I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm not hungry, it was hard falling asleep and I woke up a hundred million times this morning and forced myself back to bed until, at 11:10 I deemed it time to wake up. at 2 I forced myself to eat something. I'm trying to focus on nietzsche but that doesn't look like it'll happen today until much later. maybe just a day of the OC with me, marissa, seth, ryan & summer? I wish I knew how to feel.
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