ideal vs. reality

so the theme for a recent shabbaton was: where we were, where we are, where we will be. pretty classic, standard theme for a senior shabbaton, right? but instead of thinking about my own personal decisions (partially because it's hard to think far in advance, not factor chance/fate in and the fact that I just HATE making decisions for the most part) I really got to thinking about the idea of the ideal situation that I'm in now as opposed to the reality that is life.

so what really got me thinking were two things, both based off scenarios that have to do with judaism (the first being "I will be practice religion differently when I am older" and the second being "in 20 years secular jews and orthodox jews will not talk to each other") but in the end none of my conclusions really have to do with judaism.

in terms of scenario #1, my thought process went like this:
I know in my gut that I want to be more religious. I know that I love the feeling when I observe shabbat with a small community, I love the principles behind a lot of judaism and I would love to invest myself more thoroughly in them.
however, I know that trying to be a real person in a secular environment (I say secular because even if I live on the upper west/east side for the rest of my life, in the end there is a divide between the secular and the religious) is difficult. there is so much that happens on shabbat, so many foods that I enjoy eating that clash with kashrut, so many halachot that I just don't agree with (I can value the halachic process and thought behind them, yes, but I cannot value the halachot themselves). this is the ideal.
so in the end, I don't know what my decision will be. I don't know how my ideal situation and gut instinct really fits into reality and I don't know how much I'll sacrifice to become more religious. granted, this could be extended to any situation. not knowing how much to sacrifice to follow your gut (I don't say heart because I think it sounds terribly cliche) is always an issue, especially because I don't know if it will ultimately make me a happier person. will being more observant make me a happier, more fulfilled, more satisfied person? is there a gap in my life that I am even trying to fill, or do I just want to try out being more observant because of the people I'm with now? this is the reality.

and then scenario #2 went a little like this:
being that my entire family is irish catholic, there are koreans & hispanics, evangelical christians and I even have an adopted black cousin, and we are all so loving and accepting of each other regardless of our differences in beliefs and backgrounds and skin colors, I can't even imagine that the world would get to a point that religious tolerance would not exist within one religion. granted, I suppose that happened in the church for some time and that's why there are different denominations of christianity, but I cannot recall a case where one religion has splintered so much that they cannot put the pieces back together. this is the ideal.
but I do know that a gap is growing, that there are new sects of denominations growing and spreading and there are hotbutton issues (gay marriage, women rabbis, etc.) that are problematic in the jewish community. I've always said that judaism is a pick-and-choose religion, where you can identify in "spirit" and "thought" as one denomination but practice a different the customs of another denomination without much fear of scrutiny, but I think scrutiny is growing. there are more and more people who will call you on this unbalanced, almost "hypocritical" dichotomy; many people say that you cannot have your cake and eat it too. this is the reality.

similarly to these two scenarios, there is an ideal and a reality in where I am right now. how fortunate I am to be in a place where I can think like this and express it openly. that I am at a school where I can see both sides of the issues, where the encourage me to look at everything two different ways. how lucky I am to be in an ideal situation, but how scary it is to have to face reality. next year I will not be in a pluralistic (jewishly pluralistic) environment, a comfort zone, a small community. I will instead be in a diverse environment, new, uncharted territory, a little fish in the big pond. and perhaps diversity is pluralism in its truest, more pure form, so long as everyone is accepting...which is (surprisingly and upsettingly) a lot to ask.

so how to tackle the balance between the ideal and the reality is something I'm not quite sure of. luckily I'm comfortable with myself at this point and that's a good place to start but, coming from where I am now, facing reality will be a challenge. as excited as I am to broach something new and experience something new, I am nervous and worried (which I'm sure is natural). obviously the first place to start is being yourself while staying open to new things. sounds contradictory, but, just like ideal and reality, it's a balance that (out of necessity or curiosity) must be struck.