is friendship the end of truth?

flashback to montreal, sitting with mom in that same, previously mentioned, grocery store. I started talking about the idea of friendship and listening to people's problems and giving friends advice and I came to this (kind of) sad realization that it's really difficult to tell a friend that they need to shut up and stop whining, or even difficult to just tell a friend that they're wrong. I guess it's kind of a touchy subject when you're listening to someone complain, cry, whine, fill-in-your-pet-peeve-here, etc. and the only advice that you can give them is that they seem totally unwarranted in what they're saying. the thing is, I may be "insensitive and cruel" (translation: calloused, truthful, harsh, somewhat abrasive at times, honest) but I don't know if my recognizing and admitting that makes me worry about being too harsh or if those two attributes are simply byproducts of the fact that I'll usually, for the most part, tell people when they're being stupid. it just seems like the dichotomy of being a good, supportive friend and being truthful is a really difficult one to navigate.

maybe if you're close enough with a friend you can speak your mind without worry, but maybe not. it's still hard to hear when you're being an idiot, regardless of how useful it is sometimes. so, how far do you go before you cross the line? when do you go from friend to enemy? how do you toe that line?

I'm a big believer in honesty. if I'm being an idiot, I want someone to knock some sense into my head. but, it does have to do with tone. tone and the type of person. some people just want to talk and get their problems out there -- they don't want solutions or advice. but as counter-intuitive as it seems some people, the people that probably know the most about what they're doing, are happy to be told they're being dumb. most times we just overcomplicate situations for ourselves, turn them into bigger issues than they really are. getting an honest, outside, completely objective, third party (okay now I'm just copying she's the man.) opinion simplifies everything. they see things for black and white, less of the grayscale that falls in the middle. while this can be a bad thing (you're missing the intricacies of the situation, I tell you!) they can tell you when your boyfriend is being an abusive shit, when your parents are right, when you should back down and when you should pipe up. that's the beauty of the black and white.

my advice? always speak the truth, it's the easiest way to go. not that I haven't told my fair share of the good ol' white lie (believe me I have) but it's always easier to just tell the truth. so what if you're the bitch for a bit? it'll last you in the long run, I promise.