win some, lose some

I guess this post should be saved for tonight, after I find out from cornell but it'll go up now anyway and maybe just get edited later. currently 4.5 for 6 (rejected from hopkins yesterday, into binghamton the other day). what makes me a little disconcerted (or maybe reassured, I haven't figured it out yet) is that I was so totally unaffected by the decision. maybe it was the decision itself, being told the day before that I wouldn't fit in there, or the scene in which it happened. open scene:

[enter rotem's house, around 7pm. dinner is being made in the kitchen. lots of noise and hebrew. people are shouting, laughing, talking. I'm under the impression that the decision comes back tomorrow (as it says on the website). my phone vibrates. I have 2 e-mail notifications. I open the one from hopkins.]
me: oh. I just rejected from hopkins [laughs]
rotem: what?! you are so brave! how could you check right now?!
me: I don't know, it kind of happened by accident.
rotem: are you okay? I'm sorry baby
me: yeah, I mean I don't know I don't really care [shrugs shoulders & laughs]
navit (rotem's mom): says something in hebrew that I don't understand
rotem: no, my mom says that's the best attitude to have!
[close curtain]

so I don't know what it means that I don't really care about the hopkins decision. I guess it might just be that I had no intention of going there so why bother getting upset, right? I've felt this way about some of the notifications that I've gotten and I've actually cared about some of the notifications -- so that would probably be the best indicator of where I want to go to school, right? with binghamton I really couldn't have cared less. with hopkins, the same thing. mcgill was exciting, but was it because I like it or just that it was the first acceptance? barnard was super exciting. macaulay was also super exciting and reassuring. wesleyan was a surprise just because I expected to get rejected. I expected to get into hopkins so why did I really not care when I was rejected? I must really have not even had any interest in going there, I just liked the major.

so that brings me down to the (almost, perhaps) final 3: mcgill, barnard, macaulay. I'm happy I got into my city schools -- nothing else really matters. waiting for cornell tonight. I think I just want to get in so I can tell david to suck it, that I'm really as smart as he is. and to visit dan. not that I expect to get in. rejection is imminent, I can feel it.

beautiful weather is calling. grab your ipod (unless yours was totally thefted like mine), download some tunes, pack a picnic (kosher for pesach, of course) & hit up central park. that's my plan for the day, at least. oh, and check the cornell decision. damn.